


I Smile, Even As I Fall Apart.

by rqtsuu_u



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Inspired by Music, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, another vent fic lmao, dont worry though, ill be ok, im dying inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rqtsuu_u/pseuds/rqtsuu_u
Summary: Lmao another vent fic. ahahaha i hate myself :D.





	I Smile, Even As I Fall Apart.

_Wait right here  
I'll be back in the mornin'_

I leave as quick as I can. I can't handle being around people right now. 

It's too hard. 

I'm so tired. 

_I know that I'm not that important to you  
But to me, girl, you're so much more than gorgeous  
So much more than perfect (yeah)_

I smile even as I fall apart when I think about what we could've been. 

She's so much more than I am. 

She deserves better. 

I'm glad she found that one.

_Right now I know that I'm not really worth it  
If you give me time, I could work on it  
Give me some time while I work on it_

I just need some time to get better.

Just a little while. 

I promise I'm getting better. 

I'm working on it. Just please let me have this. 

_Losin' your patience, and, girl, I don't blame you_

She's growing tired of me. Everyone is. 

Even if they don't say it to my face. 

They don't have to lie. 

_The Earth's in rotation, you're waitin' for me  
Look at my face, when I fuck on your waist  
'Cause we only have one conversation a week_

She still hangs out with me, even after she left me. 

She doesn't talk to me though. 

I understand why.

_That's why your friends always hatin' on me  
Fuck 'em though, I did this all by myself_

Her friends hate me. 

I hate myself too. 

They say I was the one who cheated, the one who lied and left. 

But they all know she's the one who broke me.

_Matter fact, I ain't never asked no one for help  
And that's why I don't pick up my phone when it rings_

I never ask for help even as I fall apart.

I don't even have the energy to pick up the phone when it rings. 

That's fine.

No one's worried anyway.

_None of my exes is over Lil Peep  
Nobody flexin' as much as I be  
That's why she text me and tell me she love me  
She know that someday I'll be over the sea_

_  
_She told me she loved but she was lying. Everyone lies to me.

I understand.

I don't love myself either. 

Who could love a monster like me?

_Makin' my money and smokin' my weed  
I think it's funny, she open up to me, get comfortable with me  
Once I got it comin', I love her, she love me  
I know that I'm nothing like someone her family want me to be  
If I find a way, would you walk it with me?  
Look at my face while you talkin' to me  
'Cause we only have one conversation a week_

I'm so tired of the pain.

I'm tired of people lying to me.

Hurting me.

Breaking me.

Leaving me.

Fooling me.

But all I can blame is my own foolishness and want for love.

_Can I get one conversation at least?  
Shout out to everyone makin' my beats, you helpin' me preach  
This music's the only thing keepin' the peace when I'm fallin' to pieces_

All I do to stay calm is put on my headphones and listen to music to drown out the world. 

I lose myself in the world of soft melodies and no worries. 

I wish I could stay there. 

But I always have to open up my eyes eventually. 

Sadly.

_Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason_   
_A reason to shine, a reason like mine and I'm fallin' to pieces_   
_Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason_

I look up at the sky as I struggle to keep my eyes open. 

This is it. 

The end.

I can finally let go.


End file.
